Christmas Eve Drama!

Sooooo, this year Christmas is all set to be super tough for this mama! This year will be the first year ever, that I have not had all of my children with me on Christmas morning...four of my six will not be with us. We have one on a mission, one incarcerated, and two out of the state visiting in Alabama. I knew this time was coming and had worked hard trying to steel myself against the sadness that was sure to take hold on Christmas morning. I was a woman on the edge Christmas eve morning and then....well, here goes.

A month ago one of our cars was stolen while I was in the store with our youngest two. To save money we had just recently dropped our rental coverage because SERIOUSLY we have paid for it for over 13 years and never needed it. I've paid enough in rental insurance to buy a freaking car so......we are out one car and don't have rental...GREAT! While the insurance company is trying to "work it out" I have been driving a different car, which on December 23rd started to make some very strange noises. I took it by a local dealer and was informed it was the timing belt and needed to be replaced immediately! He could fix it the day after Christmas, for $1000! UGH!

 Due to my inability to process any further stress during this holiday season, I parked the car at home and began to drive my husbands truck. I was all Scarlet O'hara "oh I can't think about that right now, if I do I'll go crazy....after all tomorrow is another day." 

Then comes "tomorrow" the 24th. I get up at the crack of dawn so I can get into work early and can leave early because it's Christmas eve and I'm not done with Christmas yet...surprise surprise. On the drive to work I thought the truck was making the same noise...probably just my crazy coming out, I turned down the radio and opened the windows...nothing. I parked, got out and as I was walking away I heard....something...it sounded like whistling...of course the tire is leaking air! Why wouldn't it be!? I called Matt and said ummm tire is going flat, he said go to the store and get fix-a-flat...HA! It's almost flat..it isn't leaking air it is gushing air...in one minute the tire and I both found ourselves...airless :(

Matt gets the babies (17 months and 2 months) up and comes to rescue me. He gets to my work, changes the tire and puts on a rather pathetic donut.

On a side note..come on! The invention of the donut was awesome for those of us to irresponsible to ensure we have a full size spare but even as a quick fix...on a full size truck not only it is ridiculous looking, it's a death trap! 

So...my knight in shining pajamas with two crusty eyed babies take the flat to go get it fixed. An hour later Matt calls to say the tire shop closest to our home (approximately 20 minutes away) does not have the tire in stock and there is only ONE in town about 40 (more) minutes away and that he will have to go there to get it. I was surprised when my cell rang 2 minutes later, Matt was slightly distressed...he was in such a hurry to come rescue me, he had left his wallet at home! 

Daddy with now hungry babies in tow drove home. He grabbed the wallet, and some baggies of cereal and left to seek the infamous tire located almost an hour from home. I was relived to get the call just over an hour later hoping that he had arrived at the tire shop safely....he had...however, he was SO flustered when he realized he did not have his wallet at the first shop that he ran out to go get it.....and left the flat tire there! Dad is now 2 & 1/2 hours into this trip and on his way back across town to retrieve our abandoned flat. It's nap time now...thing 1 (Piper-17 months old) who hates her car-seat more than anything in this world, has come COMPLETELY unglued! 

She has eaten everything she can find, drank all three of her sippies and 1 of the baby's bottles and has almost figured out how to get out of her seat. Thing 2 (Sayler-2 months) is remaining graceful under pressure and has slept the entire time thus far. 

Dad is still hanging in there...I'm not even in this and with every call I feel my blood pressure rising...being entirely honest, in my current state I wold have driven myself into a light pole by now! 

Daddy gets the tire and begins to head back to tire shop #2....well, thing 1 has some quiet bags that some women from church and myself made, the one made by me was a plastic sandwich baggie filled with clear hair gel and little alphabet tiles (it was hot glued shut!) and...my cell rings...

"Tonight won't be alphabet soup, it will be alphabet poop!" is what I hear...What? Yep, she got the baggie opened, had generously applied hair gel all over her body and eaten a number of the letters. 

Now dad is on the side of the freeway trying to un-sticky thing 1 but, after two poops on this journey already...he only has 3 wipes left! Of course he didn't bring a change of clothes, this was supposed to be a 45 minute job. He gets her "clean" makes it to tire shop #2, and well....it is going to take an hour to change the tires out! 

So, Dad takes thing 1 & thing 2 to McDonald's next door...mom is HORRIFIED! I want to scream...NO, those babies look homeless! I hear the small voice in my head that says if I want to remain married, I'm going to have to let this one go.... let the babies....sticky, dirty, without matching clothes....without SHOES, go in public (it was JUST McDonald's) and let dad unwind or he wasn't going to make it!

(Dad is using an iPhone to photo this trek only because he knows how much pictures them mean to me - he does NOT focus on quality)

Almost 6 hours after dad and babies show up at mommies work to "fix" the flat....dad pulls back in with a new tire! Thing 1 & 2 are both asleep, actually other than two diaper changes and one bottle, little bitty slept the ENTIRE time!

Christmas is tomorrow and my heart already aches to think of waking without most my crew but...on this day I am SO very thankful for my husband...for his patience, for his love, I am so thankful for the father he is and that he is always there to save me, no matter how long the rescuing takes :)

I am even more thankful that this adventure was his and NOT mine...the Lord gives us what we can handle....I would not have handled this well!

22nd Birthday

Sister Z (my oldest minion) currently serving her mission in Salem Oregon turns 22 on November 30th. This will be the first time in either of our lives, that we have not been together on her birthday. My heart is sad that I will not get to call or text her at 3:28 am (that was the time she was born) the morning of her birthday, as I have every year for as long as I can remember. I am saddened that I don't get to wake her up with tons of junk food (our version of breakfast in bed) in our birthday morning ritual. I will miss singing her Happy Birthday way TOO loud, way TOO early while she yells at us to get out of her room! The day will not be the same without seeing her blow the candles out on her Chocolate Chip Cookie Birthday Cake (Always a Cookie Cake). I will not get to torture her by making her wait ALL day to open her presents until Every member of the family is home at night. I will not get to see the joy on her face as she rips into the stash of junk she doesn't really need but is SO thankful to have! My mom heart aches at the thought of not getting to hug her neck, not being able to kiss her cheeks, not being able to whisper in her ear how much I love her. I may have already cried a little because I know her birthday is going to be without me and she is going to Love It!
I tried to make sure that she has the birthday she would have had, if she was at home so....here is what I did:

First I made a "Birthday in a Box" it included everything her & Sis Redd (her companion) would need to create their own birthday party. 
It included goodie bags for both, cake mix, frosting & sprinkles with "22" candles. (I sent cupcake papers incase they decided to do cupcakes) table cloths, streamers and balloons.

 

For her gifts we decided to be a little funny....she hates and I do mean HATES when balloons pop so....with that knowledge in hand, below is her Birthday Present

 

 

We wrapped the inside of a very large box and then blew up 22 balloons and put her gifts inside each balloon. They included gift cards (very hard to get inside), chap stick, mascara, money, and letters from each of us. In order to get each gift...she's going to have to bust the balloon. HA! So wish I could see her face when she opens this! 

We'll have to see how many survive the shipping :)

 

Although mama bear is super sad to miss out on this day with my oldest, it was lots of fun creating her Birthday in Box.

Happy Birthday Kiarra Zubicki 

 I love you to the moon and back!

 

Missionary Thanksgiving

This is our first Thanksgiving away from Kiarra and after much Pinterest and Google searching and hunting....I concluded none of them possessed the ides that I was looking for. I knew what I was looking for, except I did not know what it was but, I would know it when I saw it....in my head that makes sense :/

I know Kiarra...inside and out, I know her! I know what she likes, what she wants, I know what she is Thankful for...which gave me the idea for the perfect missionary Thanksgiving Day package.

I make her a Thankful Box, it contained ALL the items that I knew she was Thankful for.

I made little cards that said I am Thankful for.....and then the item, and I attached them to said item.

 

In keeping with her quirky humor I included:

 

I am Thankful for Toasty Hands - Gloves

I am Thankful for being Warm - Leggings

I am Thankful for Kids - Sour Patch Kids

I am Thankful for Prophets - Picture of the Prophet

I am Thankful for Smiles - Wax Lips

I am Thankful for Soft Skin - Lotion

I am NOT Thankful for Stinky Breath  - Pack of Gum

I am Thankful for being Dry - Mini SHAM WOW

I am Thankful for Cakes & Pies - Little Debbie Snack Cakes

I am Thankful for Family - Family Pictures with a note from each of us

 

There were more but I'm sure that gets the picture across.

 

We also included a postit note Thankful banner.

I got a pack of postit notes (the pop up kind, they open up still attached) and wrote:

Reasons we are Thankful for Sister Zubicki....and then we wrote a reason or word why on each postit note.

 

 

We mailed it out with a note written on the box saying DO NOT OPEN UNTIL THANKSGIVING!

I know it's not mashed potatoes and gravy with grandma but, I hope it brings a little joy into her day and puts a smile on her face.

 

We are SO very Thankful for Sister Zubicki!

Reality

I have come to the conclusion that I Must begin to live in reality! First...I AM about to be 40 and regardless of how often I tell myself I am still 30...that is an untrue statement!:(
Second my daughter IS gone on a mission! Even though I think if I don't go in her room, then I don't have to acknowledge that she is not in here...she is gone....
Lastly my son IS in jail!
I don't share the private details of my life because...well who puts ALL their laundry out there and to the ones that do I'm always like...whoa hold a little back sister!
Mainly I fear...I fear like most people fear...what if I'm judged, what if he's judged...I'm still a little redneck and to hear judgment passed on who, I still see as my baby boy, could and most likely would send me off to the crazy place.
The truth is...who wants to say, oh your baby just took her first steps, oh your son in on the honor roll? Yeah, my son said he learned 20 new card games since he's been "IN" <-----proud mommy moment!
Then there's always the "oh no! I'm so sorry!"
What? Why are you sorry, did you put him there? Was it you who broke the law and falsely accused him?! (See the catty coming out & this hasn't even happened!)
I know that those are just statements out of concern but, I don't want concern....I don't want help....because unless someone can bake him a cake with a fingernail file in it and then house, clothe, and support him forever after his escape...the reality is, there is no help. I don't need to discuss my problems, worries, stresses, drama...to make them smaller, they are what they are and no amount of mouth vomit will change that.
So, then what? I say "Yeah it's great to see you too, oh did I tell you my son is in jail and could be there for 10 years?" What do I expect someone to say? "That's great! you must be so proud".....I don't know! Who has the answer to that? What is the right response? Does Hallmark make a "Lets Party in Mo-town, your boy's on Lockdown" Card? No...not yet but, I should send that request in, it could save some from the awkward silence moments.
Back to reality...my son celebrated his 19th birthday in jail. He is awaiting trail on two felonies in one county and then faces two more felonies in another county. He dropped out of high school (last year) his senior year and became addicted to drugs...I'm not sure what, I think....everything...anything he could get. When found guilty, he will be sentenced one to ten years on each charge....those are hard words, even to type them takes my breath away.
I still see him as a baby, as innocent....as my son...perfect. I know that he is guilty and  I have not bonded him out as this is a lesson he must learn on his own. Leaving him there has been the single most difficult decision I have faced in my life thus far. We have five daughters, none of them know he is there. We have purposefully hid this from them as we could not see the value in them knowing this....why give them this knowledge, why cause them that pain. We do not want them to stress or worry over his situation when, they can do nothing to change it. I wonder now if that is a decision based on wisdom, or if it is just the easiest.
As a parent we question ourselves constantly, how should we react, how should we respond, what do I say, what do I do....there is no handbook, no way to know what is "right"....we can pray, ask our mom, do what worked when we were kids....but, how do we know? Looking back at my life as the mother of my oldest who is on a mission serving our Lord and as the mother of my second oldest who is in jail....I question myself endlessly.
I pray that my son will learn from this experience and never have to face being incarcerated again. I pray that he is strong enough to survive with who is his still intact. I pray he knows he's loved. I pray he doesn't give up or give in to the temptations that surround him. I pray that he can one day come home to me.
Not too long ago during a phone call, I asked him if he needed anything. He said "like what mom, a new ipod?!"
I said "Golden there has to be things you need, like socks, or tshirts, do you want some pictures?"
He began to cry and said "Mom NO! Do not send me those things, I do NOT want to make this place feel like home! THIS IS NOT MY HOME MOM!" 
Oh how it hurt to not be able to help him...to not know the words, to ease his pain. A few days later I received a letter from him and near the end it said "Mom, I am so afraid....I do not want to finish growing up here. I fear this is my home. I AM SO AFRAID!" 
My son is in jail, it hurts my very soul and my reality is those two things are my reality.

Sis Z's Delivery

I'm nine months pregnant (when this all happened, that was a true statement) and my feet swell at the thought of sitting for more than 5 minutes. Mikalla and Scout have testing this week (it's the end of the semester) and Piper can only ride in her car seat for 2 minutes before she turns into a gremlin. Based on all of those statements...daddy took Kie alone to deliver her to the MTC in Provo, Utah. They left on September 29th, with Kiarras report date being October 2nd.
Daddy and Kiarra meet up with Elders Strong and Wynn (they are Scott and Logan now but, we all have a hard time calling them that) and they set out to do and see all that they could. Dad hadn't been to Temple Square before and so there was lots of sight seeing and picture taking.

 

With General Conference being that weekend, dad went on a somewhat crazed "stalking" expedition trying to find President Uchtdorf......his efforts ultimately proved to be in vain.....Uchtdorf remained illusive.

I called and text as much as I could without being "over attached, clingy mom" and my heart hurt as the time drew near. The morning on the 2nd, dad and Kiarra had so much left to do that every call was rushed as they needed to still get this and pack that and were worried about arriving at the scheduled time. I was watching the clock, what seemed like every second, knowing that I had just under one hour until they would arrive and I would speak to her for the last, for a very long time. I was checking out at Joanne's (because even in despair, we still need to craft right?) when my phone rang. It was Matt I could hear him crying....what? Matt, what?! He said "She's gone!" WHAT???? I still have an hour! (At that moment is when I discovered Utah is an hour ahead of Arizona...USEFUL INFORMATION!)

I said "NO! You didn't call! Why didn't you call!" I couldn't wrap my head around the words he was saying...I didn't get to say goodbye....I had SO much left to say. The woman bagging my crafting goodies was looking on in dismay "Ma'ma are you okay?"...What, I thought, NO! I am NOT okay...They didn't call! My baby is gone and I'm buying freaking ribbon and why is he saying she's gone, I have an hour! I was quiet....I'm sure that scared Matt, I don't often search for words, they sit at the ready. My mind was far away, I couldn't reach my thoughts, they were there, foggy and distant and I was frozen at the sight of the numbers on the screen....pay I thought, pay and get out! "Matt, I have to leave here, I'll call you back".....he said nothing, only wept. I gathered up my bag in slow deliberate movements, my hands fumbled, the shuffle of my feet felt strained. One step in front of the other kept moving, get to the door, call Matt back!  As the day hit me when I exited, my eyes burned and it was then that I realized I was still weeping. Weeping is the "Oh I'm so small and petite and I cry little sweet baby girl tears" way of saying I was in the throws of a full on ugly cry! Tears covered me, snot was free flowing and I had the cry hiccups. I dialed my phone..."Tell me what happened!" Matt said they were so rushed and got there to unload and it was so quick and she was gone before he knew it and he was so sorry they hadn't called...it happened so fast. I don't know my words after that, I think I said it was okay but, I know inside me, I thought....drive home slowly cause if you arrive before my want to rip your throat out passes...you could be in extreme danger! I know I thought this is NOT fair! I needed to talk to her one more time. I know I felt loss like I never thought possible, I drove home I'm sure because I found myself there, broken.

Matt stayed in the "cry lot" which closely resembles the cell phone lot at the airport, except this lot is for departures not arrivals. I found my own cry lot next to my island, on the kitchen floor where I laid and wept.

I know she is serving the Lord and there is no greater service. As a mother I have never be prouder in my life. Yet, as a mother, I have never felt a more profound sense of loss.

The Call

So much has happened in the last few months I forgot I even have a blog :(

Our oldest decided to serve an 18 month mission for our church. We waited NOT so patiently for the call to come in the mail and the news finally came on July 6, 2013. Kiarra will serve 18 months in the Salem, Oregon mission, reporting to the MTC on October 2, 2013.

There are these things that happen in our life as a parent...the first call to the school to say your child hit another child that makes you hang your head in parental shame...the letter stating that your baby is in the accelerated reading program and is in the top of the class that makes you strut like the proverbial parental chicken with a little "yeah that's right, that my girl!" The moment that one child explodes a glass bowl on the stove because "how was she suppose to know you can't cook in cereal bowls" that makes you wonder if only for a moment, if said child had fallen one too many times growing up....the 1 am text waking you, to ask mom please come to my room, to get there and find your child would like you to go get them some more chips...that makes you worry they will never be able to leave home. I have been a worried mama, I have been a sad mama, and I have been a proud mama....it was at 1:10 pm on July 6th, 2013 that I became a missionaries mama....truly my most profound parental moment!

Kiarra is such a blessing in our lives. She is truly an exceptional person; I am at times astonished that she is my child. After she read her call and the realness that this "IS" happening settled in, I felt my shoulders throw back and my head lift and put on my big ole' "my missionary can kick your missionary's butt" grin...my greatest mama moment!

I think I managed to hit every landmine while raising Kiarra and at times I wonder if I raised her or if she in fact raised me....either way right now I couldn't be happier with the way we both turned out!

Sister Kiarra Zubicki you make your mama proud!

Sick...EWWW

Piper is 9 months old and has thus far been healthy. Piper is a rare child (I'm her mom, I get to think grandeur things about my baby)....she never spit up as a baby, Piper seldom cried as an infant and as she gets older she uses her crying merely as a form of communication....Mom I'm hungry, I pooped, HELLO people I'm sleepy! Those are the three things she has learned to say with said crying, other than that she's just happy little Piper. In the last month (after I took her to the doctor in month 8 worried that super happy baby may in fact need dentures due to having ZERO teeth) she has cut 5 teeth and still....NOTHING! See a trend here, perfect baby, I know right!

So, last week Piper got sick for the first time. We had sheltered her as much as we could while the Hantavirus made it's rounds through our house, TWICE! We thought she had been spared....not so much. :(

Sweet perfect Pippee had a temperature and the green stuff coming out well...everywhere green stuff can come out of a baby. Five hours into her first sickness, she THREW UP! Having not been a baby that even spit up; she had until this moment never thrown up, she must have thought an alien was trying to come up her throat. The act was so scary (to us both) that she clung on like a spider monkey for the next two hours for fear of being attacked by the throw up ghost if she was not permanently attached to me. Luckily that was the only incident and by night fall Pippee was on the mend. The fever was down, she was back to her happy self and all was right in perfect baby land.

The next morning begins the every day routine, I get the two middle children up, get ready for work, drive the carpool to Seminary where I deposit the 14 year old, then I drop the young one at school and off to make the donuts I go. My hubby, the love of my life, the dad all dads hope to be when they grow up, gets himself and her Highness up and ready before the nanny arrives and he heads off to save the world (or off to work).
It was the moment my phone buzzed with the arrival of a new text that I realized due to Piper being the most awesome and amazing baby ever that the most awesome and amazing husband ever is SPOILED! Daddy has not been raising a "real" baby he has been raising Piper, the I don't cry, I don't poop, I don't get sick, I just play and make everyone laugh baby....at 7:25 Thursday morning, Matt became the papa of a real life baby girl named Piper Poopy Pants HA!

Below is the picture I received with the attached message...I think somethings wrong! Piper exploded!

As you can tell from Pipers face she was as worried about dad being able to handle this situation as he was. There was another picture of the bed covered in the poop and another bout of throw up (that I won't share), all of which Piper slept through, meaning she also slept all night in it! EWWWWW

Dad and baby survived, he got her and the bed all cleaned up but, swears I fed her spinach (I didn't) and cannot quit telling people about how the baby had poopy from her armpits to her toes!

However, this story proves my point that I am in fact the mother of the most amazing baby ever.....she did explode and never made a peep. I'm not sure about later in life but as for now this girl is calm as a cucumber (she most definitely gets that from her dad).

Other than explosion days this is my Piper! Yay happy Pippee!

The 6 Things I Learned Today

Today while living in the windy city, i.e Sahuarita, I learned a few things......

 

First its extremely hard to photograph wind.

 

 

Second as I was cyber stalking my favorite cooking websites;

Welcome Home https://www.facebook.com/pages/Welcome-Home/130807550406694

Is AWESOME!

I learned that I spend far more time in researching a meal, than in actual preparation of said meal.

I'm not sure if I can count it as number three, since I already "knew" it but.....while following any given recipe to a "T".....I have an approximate 43% chance of it coming out correctly. I'm beyond my spaghetti and hamburger helper days but, Rachel Ray I am not!

 

Which leads me to lesson number four, not everything can substitute for everything......to those not cooking impaired that may seem like a rambling string of words....to those of us that think baking soda and baking powder gotta be the same thing and sometimes it might be okay to use water in the place of milk; that statement made perfect sense! SO, just in case it ever comes up.....chili powder and cayenne pepper not exactly the same thing. Both spices, both spicy...who knew?!

 

 

After some meat washing and seasoning repair work, some kind of roasted dinner is done. (I mis-made and then misplaced the recipe; there are way too many sites online!)

Scout says dinner is awesome, actually she said "Mom this steak is Great!" I'm taking that as a compliment even though I made chicken :(

 

My fifth learning of today:

Although Pinterest has expanded my cooking/crafting/money saving abilities, I'm beginning to think it may have taken over a large portion of my life. I can say the "lost time" is an investment in the betterment of Jodi, that line of thinking allows me to sleep well at night. The decision had to be made today (while the baby was napping) to wash off the funk and attempt to regain a non-foot kinda smell or......continue on the Jodi self improvement plan (which closely resembles Pinning). Today I learned smelling like boiled cabbage...it's not that bad :)

Anyone not familiar with the art of pinning....don't google it!

 

Lastly I learned the kids love me no matter what! Overlooking the before mentioned scent issue, with hair looking like who-dun-it, no make up on, still sporting last nights pajamas at 5 pm....basically I'm a hot mess! Everyone of my children welcomed my "I'm so happy you're home" kiss without any eye rolling and kissed me back! Oh the joys of unconditional love.